Got Approval?

Well, now I've gone and done it! I told some of my friends about my blog. Now I'm scared. I know it probably sounds silly but one of my biggest character defects is my need to be liked and approved of by others, especially those important to me. I know that doesn't make me unique but frankly I don't care about the fact that others feel the same way...I want to stop worrying about what others think.

I had an interesting experience last week while taking my fencing lesson. I came in to the fencing room to start my lesson only to find my coach's words and attitude seeming to imply that I wasn't improving, the lessons weren't helping, and he was angry with me for wasting his time. Immediately my feelings were hurt and I couldn't understand why he was being so "mean" to me. I choked back the tears and my self-defensiveness kicked in and I got angry. After several minutes of fencing my coach said "I guess I have to make you angry to get you to fence better". Now I was furious! I couldn't believe he had intentionally made me mad..how could he do that???

Needless to say, being furious, I fenced even better. Don't you just hate when someone knows you well enough to hook you into feeling what they want you to feel? And isn't it even worse when they are right?

I guess if I didn't care what people thought of me, I might feel better inside...but my fencing would suck!