Coming Around

What goes around, comes around. I've always believed in that but I'm not sure I ever really experienced it...until now. Over the years I have been personally involved with a number of wonderful people, all of whom I have loved and eventually left for a variety of reasons. I have watched the people I loved be disappointed, angered and hurt by my leaving. I continue to feel guilt for the pain I caused them.

I now find myself in the position of getting my "coming around". God has placed me in a situation where all the love I have for someone just doesn't make a difference. I can't make someone love me. I keep trying to believe that God will work it all out but I'm not so sure sometimes. When it feels the most hopeless, I think maybe God is just giving me a dose of my own medicine...an opportunity to feel the pain of unreturned love, and not be able to do anything about it.

Some people say that God doesn't work that way. Frankly I'm just not sure. I know that Moses, after following what God told him to do, wandering around in the desert for 40 years with the cantankerous Israelites, was forbidden to go into the Promised Land. He was only allowed to see it from a distance. How heartbreaking that must have been to remain faithful all that time just to be denied in the end.

So now, when I feel down about my situation and I'm feeling the pain associated with it, I just try to accept it as my "come around" all piled up in one bunch. I hope it helps alleviate some of the guilt I feel. If that's true, perhaps some good will come out of it.

But it's still heartbreaking.