Social Disease

I suffer from a "social disease". It's not the kind of disease that's contagious, though research has indicated there may be some genetic influence, though I'm not aware of anyone in my family who suffers from it. It's one of those diseases where one day might be worse, or better, than another. This disease can cause a person to appear unfriendly or angry when just the opposite is true. What is this disease you ask? It's shyness.

Shyness sounds like such a "soft" word, almost comfortable. But shyness is anything but comfortable. Its embarrassing and leaves me angry at myself for not being strong enough to conquer it. I found something on a shyness website that describes it well for me:

I think the problem arises because there are two ways to be shy---the obvious way and the not so obvious way. The obvious way to be shy is to blush, tremble, twitch or otherwise physically manifest your shyness. The not so obvious way is to avoid eye contact with people, not have much to say or decline offers from others you'd like to accept, but that are too far outside of your comfort zone for you to feel comfortable attending. Not so obvious shy people are often mistaken as arrogant or aloof---even by fellow shy people--when nothing could be farther from the truth. We're terrified on the inside. It's just that we don't show it on the outside.

The non-obvious way seems to describe me best. I wish I knew how to let people know that I want more than anything to be sociable and friendly. Just because I appear to be aloof, "stuck-up", disinterested, angry, or bored doesn't mean that's how I am...and I just wanted to say so.