Motherhood
Sunday is Mother's Day and I couldn't let it pass without saying something about my experience with motherhood. I've had the opportunity to be a "step-mother" to Tammy, Kim, Jennifer, Tracy, Shannon, and Todd. The most intensive was with Tammy and Kim due to their ages when I came into their lives, but I have a broad range of feeling for all of them that goes from deep love to occasional aggravation, depending on the person. I don't know if any of them except for Tammy ever considered me their step-mother and certainly the legal system never did. Despite that, I felt that way toward them all in my heart.
I had the opportunity to be a "legal" mother once when I tried to adopt Al from Colombia. I had him for about a year and a half when I took him back. The adoption papers had never been finalized by the Colombian authorities, and had actually been lost. I was so ill equipped to be a mother to a 12 year old boy who was raised on the streets in Bogota and was illiterate in both English and Spanish. He turned me every which way but loose. Perhaps if things back in the 80's had been more Hispanic friendly like today, there might have been more resources for me to access. I will always wonder if I gave up too soon and I will always love him.
I've also had the opportunity to be a grandmother to Taylor, Julian, Jake and Sarah. All four of them accepted me without question or apparent discomfort. They never seemed to mind having two(or even three)grandmothers. They are growing up so fast and they are all wonderful young people.
I also had the opportunity to "mother" my own mother when she had her stroke and was unable to talk, read, or write but understood everything perfectly. To be the one to speak for her, be her advocate, cut her nails, brush her teeth, feed her when she couldn't, and try to make the very difficult predicament she found herself in a little brighter and loving was heartbreaking, and also an honor. To decide to let her go when she was so sick was the only gift I could give her except for my love. It will be 2 years, on June 27, that she died, 79 years to the day that she was born.
I could easily write about the mistakes and abuses that I endured at the hands of my mother as I grew up. But I need to look at my own "mothering" mistakes before I can judge her too harshly. I've done my best to be a good mother, step-mother, grandmother and daughter. I'm not sure that those who were exposed to my mothering could speak any better of me. What I do know is that I have loved them all and consider it an honor to have had any part of their lives.
On this Mother's day, I want to remember my mother who struggled all her life with brittle bone disease, suffering one broken bone after another from the time she was 2 month old, and who died the way she dreaded...the resident of a nursing home and the victim of a stroke. She also lost her son to an auto accident when he was just 26 years old, leaving two small children.
On this Mother's Day, I want to remember Tammy, shot in the head and back by an 11 year old boy attempting to steal her car. She had just turned 30 the month before. She was more like my natural child than any other. We had a very special bond and I will always miss her.
On this Mother's Day, I want to remember Todd, who died twelve days ago, in the prime of his life, of a head injury sustained in an auto accident. He was a special man and I will miss him.
I'm grateful for my mother and the things she tried to do right. I miss her terribly. In the end we had made a relationship that was loving and good after so many years of difficulty.
I pray for wisdom and comfort for the mothers I know who are grieving. They will feel the loss of their children deeper than they will ever be able to say. I wish I could take away their pain.
I had the opportunity to be a "legal" mother once when I tried to adopt Al from Colombia. I had him for about a year and a half when I took him back. The adoption papers had never been finalized by the Colombian authorities, and had actually been lost. I was so ill equipped to be a mother to a 12 year old boy who was raised on the streets in Bogota and was illiterate in both English and Spanish. He turned me every which way but loose. Perhaps if things back in the 80's had been more Hispanic friendly like today, there might have been more resources for me to access. I will always wonder if I gave up too soon and I will always love him.
I've also had the opportunity to be a grandmother to Taylor, Julian, Jake and Sarah. All four of them accepted me without question or apparent discomfort. They never seemed to mind having two(or even three)grandmothers. They are growing up so fast and they are all wonderful young people.
I also had the opportunity to "mother" my own mother when she had her stroke and was unable to talk, read, or write but understood everything perfectly. To be the one to speak for her, be her advocate, cut her nails, brush her teeth, feed her when she couldn't, and try to make the very difficult predicament she found herself in a little brighter and loving was heartbreaking, and also an honor. To decide to let her go when she was so sick was the only gift I could give her except for my love. It will be 2 years, on June 27, that she died, 79 years to the day that she was born.
I could easily write about the mistakes and abuses that I endured at the hands of my mother as I grew up. But I need to look at my own "mothering" mistakes before I can judge her too harshly. I've done my best to be a good mother, step-mother, grandmother and daughter. I'm not sure that those who were exposed to my mothering could speak any better of me. What I do know is that I have loved them all and consider it an honor to have had any part of their lives.
On this Mother's day, I want to remember my mother who struggled all her life with brittle bone disease, suffering one broken bone after another from the time she was 2 month old, and who died the way she dreaded...the resident of a nursing home and the victim of a stroke. She also lost her son to an auto accident when he was just 26 years old, leaving two small children.
On this Mother's Day, I want to remember Tammy, shot in the head and back by an 11 year old boy attempting to steal her car. She had just turned 30 the month before. She was more like my natural child than any other. We had a very special bond and I will always miss her.
On this Mother's Day, I want to remember Todd, who died twelve days ago, in the prime of his life, of a head injury sustained in an auto accident. He was a special man and I will miss him.
I'm grateful for my mother and the things she tried to do right. I miss her terribly. In the end we had made a relationship that was loving and good after so many years of difficulty.
I pray for wisdom and comfort for the mothers I know who are grieving. They will feel the loss of their children deeper than they will ever be able to say. I wish I could take away their pain.
posted by Lori | 10:05 PM
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