Changes

A Change Is Gonna Come
(Sam Cooke)

I was born by the river in a little tent
And just like the river, I've been running ever since
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come

It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die
I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come

There's more to the song, but you get the idea. I feel change coming. No, its not Obama, Hilary or McCain. Its not even political...its personal. I've been told by several people, not in consultation with each other, that they feel change coming for me in May. Now, in all fairness, they didn't say which May. They just have said they believe something will change for me in May.

Well, last May came and went. This May is coming soon. I haven't seen any external signs of change but I can feel some internal ones coming. Mainly I'm feeling less and less willing to live my life alone.

I don't need much, except a neat and quiet home that I can share with someone I love. I don't need my own space (except for my own side of the bed and space on the dresser) and I don't need constant interaction. What I do need is to be able to be in the same place with the person I love. I don't need to talk all the time. I am happy to just be, as long as I can share the same space. I guess I'm a lot like Hannah. When she lays on the couch next to me, she is content just to be near me.

Hannah is a wonderful companion, but I need and want more than just companionship. I want passion, love, friendship, shared spirituality, respect, and commitment. I want complete trust - the kind that allows me to be myself without fear. I want to give the same in return. I want to be the rock that my husband can depend on...and the one that he shelters under his wings. I know God has a plan for me but I'm weary of waiting.

It's been a long time coming, but I know a change is gonna come.

Change is coming. I feel it...and I need it, even if I'm the one who has to make it happen.