My Prayer
You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand. (John 13:7)
I have a daily devotional book called "Streams in the Desert" that I rely on for issues of hardship, patience, and faith. It seems to say just what I need to hear at the very time I need to hear it. Today's devotional is no exception.
"There are times when everything looks very dark to me-so dark that I have to wait before I have hope. Waiting with hope is very difficult, but true patience is expressed when we must even wait for hope. When we see no hint of success yet refuse to despair, when we see nothing but the darkness of night through our window yet keep the shutters open because stars may appear in the sky, and when we have an empty place in our heart yet will not allow it to be filled with anything less than God's best-that is the greatest kind of patience in the universe." (George Matheson)
I want to have the "greatest kind of patience in the universe" but right now I am battling with that "empty place" in my heart. I'm tired. Being in the hospital seems to have sapped all my strength and energy. Despite trying to rest, I feel as if I'm in one of those old deep sea divers suits and everything I do requires more effort than it should.
I'm also fighting off despair on my job. Despite the ridiculous things done by the people at the top, I've always gotten pleasure on my job because of my patients. Lately, even that pleasure is seriously waning. The system is set up for failure and it will be those of us in the trenches that will get the blame for not making the crazy decisions from the top work out. We will be seen as the failures, the lazy ones, the negligent ones, the disloyal ones. I hate it here but I've worked enough years to know that there is no greener grass and stupidity is not limited to just the health department. I'm afraid that going somewhere else would just put me in the same situation, just with a different employer.
But the worst is seeing "nothing but darkness". I find myself in love with someone who doesn't seem to feel anything for me. I heard Dr Phil say something yesterday that I hope doesn't apply to my life. He told a woman she was "on a dead end road, running as fast as she could". I've been told to be very straightforward with men and ask for what you need. I don't know how to be any clearer than to say "if you feel anything for me, I really need to hear it". All I hear is silence. Is that the answer? Am I'm really on a dead end road?
God, please help me. Right now I'm waiting for hope. You brought me to this place in my life, please don't abandon me now. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to stay faithful to your call but I'm struggling and I need your help. Its true, I don't understand what you are doing now. Perhaps I will understand later as the verse on John suggests. Please give me a reason to hope. Amen.
I have a daily devotional book called "Streams in the Desert" that I rely on for issues of hardship, patience, and faith. It seems to say just what I need to hear at the very time I need to hear it. Today's devotional is no exception.
"There are times when everything looks very dark to me-so dark that I have to wait before I have hope. Waiting with hope is very difficult, but true patience is expressed when we must even wait for hope. When we see no hint of success yet refuse to despair, when we see nothing but the darkness of night through our window yet keep the shutters open because stars may appear in the sky, and when we have an empty place in our heart yet will not allow it to be filled with anything less than God's best-that is the greatest kind of patience in the universe." (George Matheson)
I want to have the "greatest kind of patience in the universe" but right now I am battling with that "empty place" in my heart. I'm tired. Being in the hospital seems to have sapped all my strength and energy. Despite trying to rest, I feel as if I'm in one of those old deep sea divers suits and everything I do requires more effort than it should.
I'm also fighting off despair on my job. Despite the ridiculous things done by the people at the top, I've always gotten pleasure on my job because of my patients. Lately, even that pleasure is seriously waning. The system is set up for failure and it will be those of us in the trenches that will get the blame for not making the crazy decisions from the top work out. We will be seen as the failures, the lazy ones, the negligent ones, the disloyal ones. I hate it here but I've worked enough years to know that there is no greener grass and stupidity is not limited to just the health department. I'm afraid that going somewhere else would just put me in the same situation, just with a different employer.
But the worst is seeing "nothing but darkness". I find myself in love with someone who doesn't seem to feel anything for me. I heard Dr Phil say something yesterday that I hope doesn't apply to my life. He told a woman she was "on a dead end road, running as fast as she could". I've been told to be very straightforward with men and ask for what you need. I don't know how to be any clearer than to say "if you feel anything for me, I really need to hear it". All I hear is silence. Is that the answer? Am I'm really on a dead end road?
God, please help me. Right now I'm waiting for hope. You brought me to this place in my life, please don't abandon me now. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to stay faithful to your call but I'm struggling and I need your help. Its true, I don't understand what you are doing now. Perhaps I will understand later as the verse on John suggests. Please give me a reason to hope. Amen.
posted by Lori | 8:40 AM
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