Only Questions

This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?”

Why would I want them to??? Good question. It's a question that I can't answer except to say that filling that hole is something I believe God changed me and my life for. But I have to ask myself, why do I want someone who doesn't want me? Why would God want me with someone who doesn't want me? Is a one-way love what God intended? Why would God tell me something that doesn't seem to be happening. I'm trying hard to keep the faith, and believe me, it gets real hard to do at times.

I have more questions than I do answers. I am so tired of trying to understand and figure it out. I'm tired of sharing words, feelings, and actions only to have very little shared in return. Either I'm worth it or I'm not. If I'm to spend the rest of my life without you, it will be because of your decision, not mine. I can't make you love me, and if you feel anything for me, you aren't saying.

As I said in a previous blog, "if you want me in your life, I'll be there...if not, it's your loss as well as mine". It's just getting harder and harder to live with the unanswered questions. I'm not sure how much longer I can do it.

Even God doesn't seem to have answers to give me.