Dark Night of the Soul

The phrase "dark night of the soul" traces its origins to a work by the Spanish poet and Roman Catholic mystic Saint John of the Cross (1542-1591). It tells of his mystic development and the stages he went through on his quest. The "dark night of the soul" is that stage on the mystic path when "spiritual persons suffer great trials, by reason not so much of the aridities which they suffer, as of the fear which they have of being lost on the road, thinking that all spiritual blessing is over for them and that God has abandoned them since they find no help or pleasure in good things".

Is this real, or is it just a fancy way to describe depression? It describes the way I have felt for several weeks now. But I don't feel depressed. I know how depression feels...it's like seeing the world in black and white instead of color. It feels empty. What I'm feeling is that sense of being abandoned. I'm afraid in my guts like I used to be when I'd lose my mother in the store. I remember running up and down the aisles begging God to help me find her.

But what do I do if it's God abandoning me? Who do I pray to then? What if I haven't been faithful enough, or patient enough, or loving enough? I really believed it was God leading me but, if that's true, then it must be God who has left me. I know what the dark night of the soul is...it's the fear that I'll be lost forever.