Losing Freedom

The Buddha answered: "When you take things it is because of a thirst, a clinging, and a grasping. You should lose that and lose it altogether, above, below, around, and within. It makes no difference what it is you are grasping. When you grasp, ...you are losing your freedom. Realize this and grasp at nothing. Then you will cease being a creature of attachment, tied to the powers of death."-


A friend of mine posted this on facebook and it reminded me of the things I learned and liked about buddhism. The concept that we cause our own suffering because of our attachments to people and things makes sense to me. I know that when it comes to suffering I'm my own worst enemy. I'm forever grasping at what I want and when I don't get it, I suffer...sometimes a lot. Buddha was right. When I hold tight, what I want slips from my hands.

I want to be free from attachments and suffering and just be open to whatever God does with my future.

Fix it, stand it, or quit it.

Its been so long since I've blogged that I almost forgot how to access my page. I guess I didn't have anything to say until now. I just finished watching Brokeback Mountain again. Its the story of 2 people in an unbearable situation. Its a good movie, but a sad one. Time ran out on them before they could make a life together. Tragedy put an end to any chance of a future together.

This is one of the most difficult dialogues in the movie for me.

Ennis Del Mar: We can get together... once in a while, way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, but...

Jack Twist: Once in a while? Every four f***in' years?

Ennis Del Mar: If you can't fix it, Jack, you gotta stand it.

Jack Twist: For how long?

Ennis Del Mar: For as long as we can ride it. There ain't no reins on this one.

Later, full of emotion and frustration over never being able to have what he needs, Jack says to Ennis, ”I wish I knew how to quit you.”

I understand his frustration. I share it with him. I don't know what to do to be able to "stand it" and I don't know how to "quit it". I guess when I can figure out how to do one or the other, my frustration will be gone.

Something has to break here soon. If I have to quit, I'll have to leave. I can't quit and stay. I keep waiting for the "happy ending" that you always see inthe movies. I guess eventually I'll have to accept the possibility that happy endings are rare and I probably won't get one.